Sunday, December 23, 2012

2012 Boyack's Annual Report


Hello everyone, and Happy Holidays to all from the Willamette Valley, the Christmas tree capital of the USA! Have you got your tree yet?  We’re still browsing the dozens of farms within driving range of our house, and also the Christmas sections of the local home improvement stores, where quality plastic trees are grown.  Back in the day, we could never have considered an artificial tree.  Blasphemy!  A fresh Christmas tree was part of our holiday religion, along with homemade chocolates and this Christmas letter, mailed out before January and on physical paper.  But, just as all of you have seen in your lives, my priorities have drifted as I have struggled to find time to decorate and festivate between creating my holiday Pandora stations and hiding from my children.

So a plastic tree may be anti-Oregonian, but would definitely allow more time for eating the chocolate I intended to put in my kids’ stockings.  The decision is not made for this year, but we do already own a small auxiliary plastic tree which we bought on sale after Christmas a few years back. Putting this one up early takes the pressure off the timing of when to buy the real tree. 

Now for the news:
Our family has been growing this year!



Kimber and Ray brought baby Ben into the family, and not to be out-done, McKay brought Myles in.  He is not as beautiful as Ben, but he’s definitely bigger, so she gets points.  They were married the week of Thanksgiving.  After the ceremony, Kimber said to me, “Dad: two down, three to go!”  I’m not sure that was a joyous thought!  They’re all so young!  Gary Huxford, an admired friend, gave me the perspective I really needed: “Don’t think of it as losing a daughter, think of it as gaining a bathroom!”

The other kids will in fact find the bathroom competition less fierce.  But on the downside, McKay was one of our better bathroom cleaners.


It has definitely been hard letting go, especially since the distance will be much farther than with Kimber.  Last month in our family prayer I mentioned McKay’s upcoming wedding and began to cry.  Then the kids began laughing at me, and I began laughing at myself, while still crying.  Then Chad, who recently had oral surgery and finds smiling painful, began chiming in to the now stalled prayer, “Ha ha . . . ow!  Stop it! . . . Ha ha . . . ow!”  The situation became increasingly desperate, as I was now laughing at Chad as well as myself.  The sanctity of the family prayer was at stake.  Knowing I wasn’t going to get the job done, I begged, in a laugh-cry-choke-pray sort of squawk, “someone please take over for me!”

After a few more seconds of unsuccessfully stifled giggles, Wendy had enough composure to grab the controls and drag the prayer across the finish line before the fuel tank exploded.

Speaking of laughter, I have often postulated that God must have a sense of humor.  To my mind that has been proved this week.  On Monday as we were setting up the wedding it rained something like five inches – enough to overwhelm the drainage trench and sump pump at our house (not the worst of the problems around town), and pretty soon half the wedding prep volunteers became flood control volunteers.  The always-amazing Jessops saved the day with sandbags from the city, and luck / God saved the Jessops from 7500 volts. 

Then on the Wedding day we had the start of regular drizzling November day.  Expectations for photos outside the temple were low, but – miracle of miracles! – the sun was blazing after the temple ceremony!  We got everyone outside, from babies to grannies, and just as the first photo was shot, we went into the soak cycle.  God has great comic timing!  Alexa Tadlock, in the great Mabee tradition, said, “well, it is a WET-ing, isn’t it?”

McKay and Myles honeymooned their way from Oregon to New Mexico, where they will be living for the next few months while he finishes up school.  He’s a great kid and we’re glad to have him in the family.  I don’t think he knows what he’s gotten himself into yet.

Prior to her Wedding in November, Mckay’s year included education at the Oregon School of Massage and a job at Jamba Juice.  I had never heard of Jamba Juice before McKay worked there.  Now the nice young ladies on the night shift know me as McKay’s dad and Chad as her sister.  They also know that a “Chad Special” is a Berry Upbeet with Daily Vitamin and Weight Burner boosters.

Chad has earned a reputation for consistency this year.  He put himself on a controlled, healthy, balanced diet, and has never departed from it.  He lost 80 pounds and is by far the fittest person in the family.  If we’re having desert and he wants to cheat, he will simply ask to smell our treats.  There was a day he worried me though: he picked up two M&Ms off the table, and just when I thought he was going to break his commitment, he put them up his nostrils and shot them at his sister.  What a relief.

Besides being consistently healthy, Chad is also consistently fun.   He composed the great song, “Let those poopies out!” in honor of our little friend Case, who was potty training this year and had trouble “letting go”. 
Between the music and the fitness, he also has time for fashion consulting. 

“Dad, pull out your shirt!  You look like a dork with your shirt tucked in.  Don’t wear black socks with athletic shoes!  Don’t wear dress shoes with jeans!”

He probably wouldn’t want me wearing dress shoes with athletic shorts either.  I think I’m going to need his coaching for a long time.  He is far more aware than I am of what looks good or bad.  Then again you should have seen him dressed as “super fan”, or wearing Hannah’s “Party Pants”, or getting his back waxed.


In the spring Chad and Lilli and Hannah all participated in the High School production of “Honk, Jr.” (the ugly duckling story).  It was his first and probably last high school musical. He did a great job as a happy, mellow-but-not-stoned frog.  Lilli was a duckling and Hannah was some other kind of bird, and she was very birdlike.

She was very eel-like when she was in the “Little Mermaid, Jr.” this fall.  She is still a great singer and now has an important role in the musical “Once upon a Mattress”.  We’ll tell you more about that next year.  She wouldn’t want me making a big deal out of it.  Apparently I’m a bit of a stage parent.  But hey, I haven’t driven her to American Idol auditions yet, so I think I’m a model of restraint!


Hannah has been a great sister to everyone, and is usually helpful in all the right ways.  She is happy all the time and is the only teenager I’ve ever been well-acquainted with who has the ability to laugh at herself.  She makes friends easily, and met a really nice boy while we were camping at the coast.  The story starts out kind of romantically, where they found each other because they were randomly using the same radio channel on the walkie talkies.  Pretty soon Zach bicycled over with a big group of friends who all wanted to meet Hannah.  There were all about 8 years old, but Hannah made them feel all grown up.



She was given a ukulele last Christmas, and Chad gave her some lessons, but so far she prefers the piano.  In the spring they had a community talent show, and she sang and played the piano.  Chad rocked the house with Bohemian Rhapsody on the ukulele, and Lillian competed with her dance teacher doing a tap dance.  Surprise of the night was that Lillian came home with first place!

Lilli is doing great!  She’s our only home school student at the moment.  She studies, works, pretends, plays, dances and sings her way through the day.  OK, I’m being generous about the “work” part of that equation, but it does happen occasionally. 


She and I did an overnight backpacking trip in August, and she was an absolutely delightful partner.  Here are a few of her observations during that trip, during which she talked almost constantly:
* (store stop) Dad, change your shoes before someone sees you!
* (in selecting a hat, which I thought was to keep the sun off) I need to look adventurous and cool!
* (as we’re driving to the trailhead) I’m so excited . . . I’m losing my excitement . . . real fast . . . OK, I got some excitement back!
* (during the hike in) I’m not having fun at all.  The backpack is not fun, just running around and climbing boulders will be fun.  . . . And fishing, and playing with other kids.
* (after taking many, many, stops on the hike in) I’m an adventurer!  I only take important stops!  . . . well, NOW I do.
* Dad!  Your legs are longer than mine!  I’m short if you haven’t noticed!  Take shorter steps and fewer of them!
* I’m going to list everything that hurts! (and she did)
On the hike out we were both commenting on how much quicker the hike was going than on the way in.  I said, well, it’s downhill and our packs are lighter.  She said, “yes, and I’m not complaining the whole way like I did on the way in.”  Truer words were never spoken!  I hope to go on many more hikes with Lilli and whoever else will go over the next 30 years!


Lilli helped me get ready for a big hike in Northern Idaho with Jim and Ethan Hewitt.  The three of us packed to some secluded lakes at around the 7500-foot level.  Granite and quartz boulders; pine and aspen; wild plants of a million varieties including celery and several kinds of berries.  Clear lakes and relatively blue skies – there was a lot of smoke from forest fires, but it was thinner at our elevation; warm days and cool nights; lots of fish biting; great food created by Chef Jim.  And plenty of strenuous exercise, for those who like that sort of thing.

Aside from my backpacking adventures, several of my Saturdays were occupied with the Front Entry Safety Project.  I poured a concrete walkway from the front porch to the driveway, replaced the stairway and added railings, and trimmed and painted the porch.  I had to think long and hard about it, but I decided that nine years after building the porch it was not too soon to finish the job. 

I hate to admit it but I had put off the walkway job for several years for one reason or another.  Three years ago Hannah broke her foot on the stepping stones that were there but I still didn’t get it done.  I sorta kinda had the intention to do it this year, but then Wendy tore her Achilles tendon the same way Hannah got hurt, and that changed everything.  Only by getting on it quickly could I possibly prevent the injury that was likely coming next . . . probably to my right eye since Wendy is left handed and she is the daughter of a boxer.

Wendy had a great year and was as busy as ever.  Her additional commitment this year was CET (Children’s Educational Theater).  She taught technical classes and was the technical director for six shows.  Lilli was able to attend this camp too.  Hannah I went and helped with set construction and it was a good family experience.


She designed the sets for the high school productions again this year.  My favorite was Cinderella.  She is a stickler for detail, and probably 300 man-hours of painting went into it.  Cinderella’s home was vividly painted, and it would rotate out and become a shop or disappear altogether.  It is great to see the community coming out to support these shows and the high school kids getting great experience.

We both enjoy taking in theatrical performances, and luckily we live close enough to Portland to go see the Broadway touring series that comes there.  We saw some fun shows this year, and they provide some inspiration for Wendy’s sets and lighting ideas.  In October we were realizing we might not have much chance to celebrate our anniversary because of the timing of McKay’s wedding.   So we agreed we would just skip it this year – just go out to dinner or something.  But THEN I heard that Sweeney Todd was playing at Portland Center Stage, and, knowing this is one of Wendy’s favorite shows, I took the opportunity to be sneaky!  . . . In a good way, for once.

So I took the day off work and peeked into her calendar to be sure I wouldn’t disrupt her schedule too much, and I took her to Portland without telling her what we were going to see.  She wasn’t very cooperative at first.  She thought she might be heading to an art exhibit or Ice Capades, (not sure why she’d drag her feet for those, but anyways . . . ) she screamed with delight when she saw the sign for Sweeney Todd, and I knew that I HAD SCORED!  It’s not every day a couple gets to enjoy such deep and ugly irony, and we thoroughly loved it.  Brutal abuse, retribution, bloody murders, beautiful music, and a barber shop.  You might say it’s barBERic!  Ha ha!

We did eventually get around to buying each other anniversary presents: his and hers cordless drills!  And it was HER idea!  I LOVE this woman!

In June we went to the Canon Beach sandcastle competition.  Several of our kids were participants on the Jessop team.  The 4 day trip started out to be a very wet one, but eventually dried out.  Myles came to visit McKay and get to know us a little better; Chad bicycled up and down the coast; I ate a LOT of marshmallows. 

It was baby Ben’s first camping trip and he had fun!   Kimber is such a sweet mom, and Ray is a loving daddy!  They are building a solid family, and he is a lucky boy with so much extended family close by.  He is a funny kid!  He is now 9 months old and finally has his first two teeth.  But meanwhile he is already walking.  He is a little shy and both his conversations and his complaints are subdued. 


Kimber shares her amazing talents in sewing, dancing, writing and art, and makes us all happy.  Raymond is now a bus-driver – the perfect job for a gentle, giant, mechanically minded guy who needs a little fallback from software writing.  He made a game for the Android phone, called Space Chaser.  It is pretty cool because you control the ship by tilting the phone.  He had some problems with it at first – he said it had a memory leak.  I know all about memory leaks.  That’s why I have to carry my blackberry wherever I go, because mine leaks like a sieve and the only way I will follow through on a great idea or even a promise is if I create a reminder.  But Ray is not forgetful and neither is his spaceship.  I think a memory leak in programming is where you forget to put something away after you used it.  That is also a problem I have, but not as commonly as misplacing things.



In June I came out of a store and could not find the car.  I checked the blackberry, but I had not left a note saying where it was.  Noticing my confusion, several people walked up to me and said, “Is THAT your car?”  It was parked innocently 30 yards away in the store’s driveway, where even at my most sleepy and distracted I wouldn’t have left it.  There must be a malfunction. 

I suspect the air conditioning.    

You see, if you arrive at your destination while an interesting story is playing on talk radio, you have to put the car in neutral and leave the car running to enjoy the air conditioning while you listen to the end of the story.  This is an older model, and the radio and air conditioning not integrated to the parking brake, and thus the car was able to roll away from the place where I parked it.

After the November election I have given up listening to talk radio.  Problem solved.



So there you have it, the most newsworthy events of our family’s year neatly summarized in one letter. 
May you have a joyful and peaceful Christmas and a successful new year!

John, Wendy, and Family


And a bonus tip for your quality holiday: when you buy your fresh Christmas tree, be sure to give it a fresh cut to keep it green, and then look at the newly exposed wood for the Made in Oregon insignia.

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Boyack's Annual Report - 2011 (Pictures will be added)

Time Warp

2011 was another in the series of incrementally shorter and faster years here at the Boyack house. You remember when we were kids, and a parent would tell us about something that would happen next year? It seemed so impossibly far into the future that it was as if we were being told it will NEVER happen! Time didn’t exist, or it was measured so sparingly into our lives that past and future simply fables from another universe visited only by adults.

Well, I live in the inverse of that reality today. These days as I ponder the events coming over the next few years I feel like I’m in a B-movie runaway train hurtling down the tracks through all of life’s big adventures without any opportunity to prepare for the bumps or savor the taste of accomplishment before the next cliff-dangling stretch approaches.

Hyperbole, of course. And even if it were meant literally, I’ll confess that I try to pause while running atop the cars (chasing the bad guys away) to take in the beautiful scenery – the sunlit meadows of children playing; the dignified mountain majesty of the well-lived lives that surround me; the bubbling streams of life and personality passing from generation to generation.

So this letter is one of those pausing moments – a chance to smell the fall, mountain air and give thanks. And in those moments, I quickly count myself blessed – far beyond anything I deserve.

On the one hand, I am middle-aged, balding and overweight. What I can do for myself I do very slowly - I am often lazy and frequently confused; I am impatient and inconsiderate, distracted and diluted. And yet . . .

In spite of myself, I have been blessed with the most amazing family, with treasured friends, with peace and with security. Those gifts I attribute singly to the goodness of God, and I love Him . . . for He first loved me. As I approach yet another holiday season, I give thanks for His kindness and the joys of life that I find in family and friends.

Family Memories

Lilly’s Baptism. Lilly reached the ripe old age of 8 this year, and was baptized in May. Both sets of grandparents were able to come and that helped make it a very special family day. Having so many family and friends around was a special treat for Lilly and all of us. Lilly is the caboose, and growing up too, too fast. She is already old enough to occasionally revert to her childhood; twisting into the seat of the shopping cart or high chair; sitting in my lap when I’m surfing politics working at the computer.

The Wedding. Kimber and Ray were married in the Portland Temple March 18, to the shock and surprise of . . . absolutely no one. This day was sacred, and happy, and fun, with family and friends coming from near and far to make the celebration something really special. Chad and his friends played some great music; Hannah decorated wedding cupcakes – hand-made candy flowers on each one; We ran a slide show of childhood photos; We sang happy birthday to my dad – it was his 80th! My favorite moment was when Wendy read a story Kimber wrote at age 7 . . . in which she is a princess, saved from a ghost . . . by none other than Raymond. If ever anyone’s childhood romantic fantasy came true, Kimber’s did. I wonder who would be the frightening adversary . . . wait – it couldn’t be . . . I’m more of a bog monster than a ghost.

I’m sure I speak for many fathers-of-the-bride when I say that this day was as terrifying as it was beautiful. I have been her protector since the day she came so tiny and tentatively into this world. Having a daughter leave home can’t be too different than watching her jump out of an airplane . . . the time for preparation is over. Did I say everything I should have said? What if . . . ? I wonder . . . ? Sigh.

But gladly, whenever I need to feel protective, she and Ray are less than a mile away. And more importantly, she has a much better protector in Ray than I ever was. Now I’m trying to pick up some pointers. Ray has a lot more to offer than just long arms!

Sandcastle Camping. The Jessops are serious competitors in the sandcastle competition at Seaside. McKay, Chad and Hannah were participants on their team. We camped at Nahelem Bay with our new (to us) pop-up trailer. We stayed true to our timeless tradition of performing mechanical repairs on the vehicle while on vacation. The camp host lent me some tools.

Staying dry on the Oregon Coast in June is a tricky proposition, but we did manage to have three nice camping days before getting soaked on the morning of the competition. While the kids were over at the beach trying to form delicate sand shapes with shivering hands, Wendy, Kimber and I were trying to get the trailer to “pop” down. We went up and down, up and down, forever, but it wouldn’t latch. I was nothing if not persistent, and we got it figured out and got to the competition just after it ended and the participants all went running for cover.

Visits to Gma’s house. We got up to Bend to visit Grandma and Grandpa Mabee for a few days in July. This is where Chad and Grandma composed the now famous ballad, “Jack Is A Very Good Dog,” and the effect of the biochemical processes of canine digestion on German athletic socks was finally set to music.

Visit to Idaho. McKay, Chad and I went out to Meridian for MacRorie Hewitt’s mission farewell and had a wonderful but short visit.

EFY, Trek, Girls Camp.  Chad and McKay went up to Forest Grove to attend EFY. McKay was the Queen of meeting new friends. Chad participated in the talent show. This year Hannah and McKay went on the church youth trek, where they dressed up like pioneers and pushed handcarts along dirt roads in the forest for 3 days. Hannah hurt her foot and limped all the way home. The girls also attended girls camp.

They Sing! They Dance! They Paint! Last year at this time, Central High School and the community were presenting “Ebenezer” on the new stage at the school. Wendy had been helping with the technical side of the school’s productions for years, but now, with the new theater, she has become the resident expert of the extensive technical systems. Most of us helped on Ebenezer, and since then, working on a show at the high school seems to have become our default family activity. Whether it’s on-stage or off, you’re going to find a Boyack at nearly every single event at the high school auditorium these days. Running the light board or sound or spotlight, or setting up the concert shell or painting a set, or singing in a choir concert or playing a role on stage.

In the last 12 months Wendy has designed the amazing Messina Farmhouse (Much Ado about Nothing) and Mushnick Flower Shop (Little Shop of Horrors), along with Audrey Hepburn’s basement apartment (Wait Until Dark), which, despite the famous name, will never get rented out again. We tore it down after JennieLinn Jessop was nearly murdered four nights in a row. Wendy was the assistant director in the Pentacle (community) Theater production of Brigadoon, and the director for the CHS production of Wait until Dark. Hannah had a chorus part in Brigadoon and McKay was a rockin’ Doo-Wap girl in Little Shop of Horrors. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it (too much already), but MY KIDS CAN SING!

This month we had the dance recital, and also had our hands in the “Night in Bethlehem” Christmas Nativity. This is a live nativity out in Salem that has baby Jesus, Mary & Joseph, and the Wise Guys, along with a camel, Old Testament prophets, singing livestock and assorted angels. Wendy’s job is lighting, and I am her lovely assistant.

Now we are on to our next visually stunning project… the set for Cinderella in which Hannah also plays a mouse/horse to be performed in February.

The County unFair. Chad accompanied Hannah with his arrangement of Jar of Hearts at the Polk county Fair. McKay performed a humorous song called Joey is a Punk Rocker. They were fantastic! Unfortunately, all the top prizes went to some people outside our county, despite making the top 10. They were winners to us!

The Brood

Lillian (8)

“Miss Lil” has had a busy year. She got to spend a week at Grandma Mabee’s with her Cousin Kylie and her sisters. She even got to visit Crater Lake – something I haven’t done yet. She had a week-long visit from her friend Leah. Lilly doesn’t stop singing or dancing. She loves to plan Family Home Evening, Activity Days, Tap class, and playing with her friends. She was a little distressed with the news that she would be an Aunt before she turned 9. She has gotten used to the idea. She felt the baby kick the other day and is now looking forward to being the chief babysitter.

Hannah (13)

Hannah is growing into quite the young lady. Year in brief: Less cake decorating, more singing. Hannah continues to develop amazing talents. She sang a solo at her Jr. High school concert last spring which brought down the house. I never tired of hearing her sing it . . . until that song became popular on the radio, at which time we had all had enough. She has also been learning technical theater from her mom and is considering pursuing musical theater in her (still far off) college education. She is persistent in studying piano . . .

Chad (16)

Chad played rugby, football, and the ukulele this year. He and I had three outings to watch the OSU Beavers get beat, but the beavers actually pulled off a win once – you never can tell. My memories of Chad this year include midnight serenades, learning to drive stick shift, big hair, late night homework, “the gallon challenge”, and the McDank. Chad is becoming extremely quick with one-liners, and regularly makes me laugh. If he had written this letter, you would be laughing right now. There’s always next year!

McKay (18)

McKay started the year as a Doo-Wap girl, and ends the year as a Jamba Juice girl. She sang in choirs and concerts for the last time. She has completed her high school/home school education and her GED. She had one of the highest scores ever to go through the program. She’s working for a few more months before she begins classes at the Oregon School of Massage. She went to her last year of girls’ camp. She worked over the summer as a sound tech for the City of Independence. She is the favorite “family taxi driver” and saves her mom countless hours!

Kimber and Ray

K & R Honeymooned on the ski slopes in Idaho back in March. Kimber has continued teaching at the Dance & Music Studio until December at which time she gave notice (she is planning on beginning her career as a stay-at-home mom), and Ray now works for an electronics assembler in Corvallis. School is on hold at the moment as they prepare for their bouncing baby boy, coming in February! Thankfully, they live around the corner so we can still spoil them.

Wendy

Wendy is the brains of the operation, on stage as well as at home. In addition to all, Wendy still teaches Seminary… teaches home school… is a vocal coach… writes a blog… works in the garden… and has started working out at Curves again. She also has become the unwilling leader of a pack of dogs. All the dogs in the house follow her around… even to the bathroom. She hates it but I think it’s cute. She works circles around most of us and still has a smile on her face… most days. It has also been determined that Wendy is now responsible for buying all cars in the future. You should see the cute little race car she lets me drive.

And as for me . . . What a year!

This has to be one of the most unusual years I have ever had. This was my first full year at my new job. I’m enjoying my job, my chickens, and mowing the lawn. I cleaned “my side” of the garage this year.

By courage or witlessness, I found myself the chief petitioner of a recall campaign for a school board member. This is strictly small-town politics, but was plenty of drama for me. I helped a small group of people make things uncomfortable for the school district leadership, and in the process faced some slings and arrows myself. As reward for my heroism – or punishment for my crimes – I am now a member of the school board, replacing the member that was recalled. We were the Rebel Alliance, but now I have gone to the Dark Side.

So there you have it – the traditional update of the crazy life at the Boyack house. My punctuality (funny word to say about me) has altogether failed when it comes to the annual Christmas letter. It may be better to keep up by following us on Facebook, texting, blogs, or phone calls. But we can’t break with tradition, can we?

We love you all and hope to do better at keeping in touch. Mostly, we love the reason to celebrate this Christmas season: the Savior, Jesus Christ. He lives! He is the way!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Racecar Driver

Today I'm thankful for my car.  I think it's been almost 2 months since I had a broken down car in my driveway.  The process of finding a third working vehicle for our family was long and painful.  Ultimately I abandoned the "cheapest wheels available" approach because it seemed to end up costing more than buying a car that was actually reliable.

The car we most recently bought ended up being for me to drive, instead of for my daughter McKay.  Reason being - it's a two door, not a four door.  So poor Dad has to drive the cherry-red coupe with sunroof and the really cool wind spoiler on the trunk.

Actually, the best part about it is that Wendy picked it out.  The previous three cars were bought by me - rather impulsively - and lasted an average of 2 months each.

So knock on wood - I'm thankful for functioning vehicles! 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Thankful Month - Day 3

Today I'm thankful for my job.  It's a good job.  How good?  Pretty good.  Not my dream job, but definitely not bad.  I have had bad jobs, and good jobs with difficult situations that lasted forever.  This job has had its difficult situations, but they have been temporary.  I have a good boss and good co-workers, a relatively short commute, and interesting work to do.

So what's my dream job?  I probably shouldn't say, but I'll just tell you that if I had my dream job I would only need a recliner, a TV, and a remote - and I wouldn't have the income to buy them.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Sawing Logs

Thankful #2.

I'm thankful for eight hours to sleep, and for the latex mattress where I get to spend them.

Nighty Night,

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Thankful Month - Day 1 - My Dear Wendy

I'm playing catch-up, because I didn't think of it until I was chatting with Wendy just now.  Lots of people are writing "a thankful a day" on Facebook, or elsewhere, for the month of November.  I was just saying to Wendy that I need a hobby for days like today.  The sad truth about me is that I have not learned to manage the minutes between the minutes.  I let valuable time go to waste because I tell myself that the time available - until the next scheduled activity - is too short to make good use of it.  It takes me a few minutes to "get into" any activity, and so I let all kinds of time go to waste - reading useless news, or eating, etc.

So Wendy suggested that I meet her challenge of thankfulness.  That is obviously a good way to pass the time.  So it was easy to choose the first object of my thankfulness: My dear wife Wendy.

Wendy is a great blessing to me.  I have grown a lot from learning from her.  I try to follow her example in a few key ways. 

She is faithful to our family.  She is acutely aware of and interested in each of our children.  She creates activities that become family fun, and she encourages me to take each of the kids for one on one time.  I came with very little fatherly intuition, other than family scriptures and prayer.  Wendy has taught me everything else, and I am a completely different man, a much more faithful priesthood leader, because of her example and counsel.

She is an example of dilligence in any endeavor.  Whethere it is arriving 30 minutes early for church, spending countless hours preparing for Seminary or volunteering at the high school, or crocheting blankets for newborn babies in our ward or writing birthday cards to the relief-society sisters, she is the greatest example of diligence I know of.  I still can't hold a candle to all the work she does or how effectively she does it, but I try harder because I have seen how much can actually be done.

She is an example of revelation.  She is an example of personal service.  She is an example in her free expression of creative energy in the arts she loves.
She is also incredibly patient with me.  I won't say that patience is her strong point :^), but you don't know what I put her through on a daily basis, and I can tell you she has developed a great level of patience when it comes to me!  I am very blessed by her love, affection, and understanding.  She has given me the incentive to try (try, try, try) to live a celestial life, so that I can spend eternity with her.

So there ya go.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Tails of Two White Shirts

Today I wore two white shirts to church. Usually on Sundays I’m a by-the-book LDS attire kind of guy, but today I had a problem. My shirt inventory isn’t what it used to be. I had a choice: a bright, white, long-sleeved shirt with good cloth – and no collar – or a short-sleeved shirt which was very thin to the point of being a little . . . what’s the right word . . . immodest? . . . risqué? . . . Nauseating?

This problem wasn’t that hard to solve: I wore both!

The collared shirt over the non-collared shirt. With the jacket on, no one would see the obviously mismatched sleeves. I thought it was perfect. No one noticed it in church and it wasn’t discovered until halfway through dinner at home, at which point I was ridiculed. Alas, people mock what they do not understand. My kids have got to stop underestimating my problem-solving skills.

Today, two shirts: yesterday, zero. So it averages out.

Yesterday was a glorious day with the baptism of Lillian, our youngest. She had both sets of grandparents here, and we had an all around good day. Baptisms are priesthood ordinances and spiritual events, but there are some practical aspects you have to plan for in order to avoid distractions – specifically, dry clothing to change into.

About an hour before the meeting I suddenly remembered that Lillian would need dry clothing. I commanded Wendy to see to it, and Lillian was soon dressed in a beautiful dress and carrying an extra pair of undies and a towel in her bag (the church would supply the baptism suit itself, so that’s about all she needed).

A while later, it occurred to me, as they guy performing the baptism, I am going to get wet too! I decided to solve that problem immediately before I forgot. I already had a bag with my white pants in it – I added clean undies and a towel, and I was set.

But not fully.

After the baptism I left the font and headed into the men’s dressing room. I had staged all my things and was ready to get into dry clothing and back to the meeting. One little problem: I only had one white shirt – no, one shirt of any color – and I had just worn it into and out of the baptism font. Yes, it was my good one, but it was wet up to my chest.

Would anyone notice? Would it create additional problems, like a wet streak down my pants? I pondered. Meanwhile Lillian is probably just about done over in the ladies room because she has about half the number of articles of clothing to put on, plus at least two women helping her. Hey! What about me? I’m helpless! Standing here dripping, trying to decide whether to drip my way to the Relief Society room for the reminder of the meeting, or what!

Since we live only a couple of doors from the church, I could have someone bring me a shirt without delaying the meeting much – but how could I get anyone’s attention? They’re all down the hall singing hymns, anxiously awaiting my return.

Duh, John – this is the 21st century, and I have TWO cell phones right here in the locker room with me. OK, OK! Who do I want to help me, and who should I text?

My daughter McKay always has her phone – she’s a safe bet. Now, who can come into the men’s room, and would be the fastest getting to my house and back? That’s probably my brother-in-law Paul. He’s fit and can jog to and from the vehicle or skip driving and just run all the way to my house. Got a plan! I texted McKay: “help send paul to bathroom”

In the meeting room, McKay reads her text, raises one eyebrow, stands and crosses the room to where Paul is, and tells him, “My dad needs you in the bathroom.” Now they each have one eyebrow raised. Paul goes out of the room and passes Wendy in hallway, who had just sent Lillian into the room and was chatting with her friend Shar. “Where are you going?” says Wendy.

“Your husband needs help in the potty.”

Two more eyebrows.

Paul enters the men’s room. “Johnnie, what do you need?”

I tell Paul my problem and my plan. Paul makes a counter proposal: “why don’t you just wear my shirt?”

“But then what are you going to wear?”

I’ll just zip up my sweater to the top and no one will know!

So right then and there Paul gives me the shirt off his back. I get dressed in my suit and head out and down the hall. Now the thing is, Paul is six inches taller than me, so the shirt sleeves are hanging well below the jacket. Wendy and Shar are waiting outside the room, laughing with/at me, and we all go in and sit down.

After the meeting, Paul waits patiently as we take pictures and we get home and I help my parents into the house, before I return his shirt to him.

Now if I had just kept it one more day I wouldn’t have had to wear two shirts today!

I just don’t think ahead enough, do I? I suppose if I did, I would have washed, or at least dried, my own good shirt!